Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Humans 1, Gophers Nul

HA!  Victory over the vermin.  This is shit:

I actually think the gopher used it for what we thought it looked like.  Well, if it was a girl gopher.  This was actually buried under a gopher mound.  So, yesterday, I went to my tried and true.  Which has still been tried, but isn't quite as true.  The hose.  I flooded the holes, but nothing.  I probably didn't wait long enough as dinner was ready and we must have our priorities.  It was chili night, after all.

So, after chili and a couple of pints I ventured back into the backyard last night and pulled out ol' medieval.

Now, as I have pointed out in previous posts, my understanding on how to do this was to dig a big hole around a gopher mound and then place this in front of one of the exposed tunnels.

Yes, yes, yes, these are previously used pictures.  I'm trying to prove a point, so shut it.  Now, according to Curbstone a trap called a cinch trap should do the trick.  So, I ordered one.  It's not here yet.  Mail and shipping and all.  However, the vermin wasn't about to wait for the trap on a white steed, so I had to improvise.

Now, the website I linked to above,, does an excellent job of explaining how to set their trap.  Now, I figured, why not set ol' medieval in the same way!!  Brilliant!!!!  So, I set him and shoved him down the hole last night.

Fast forward to tonight.  I got home and headed out to the yard.  I gave the wire a tug, was stuck. I also noticed it was sprung.  Now, we had a problem.  Curious children were inside and they have this habit of suddenly appearing at bad times, which we won't get into as this is a family website.  I digress.  I didn't want to pull out a dead gopher with them.  So, I quickly put down my pint (it was after 5!!) and gave a little harder tug.  Then, I had a second fear...and it was true...what if it wasn't exactly, well, dead?

Sure enough, ol' medieval had only gotten a leg.  I had to think quickly.  It was definitely still alive as I pulled it out of the hole.  The middle gopher finger it was showing me was a dead giveaway.  I looked to the left...nada...I looked to the right...shovel.  Brilliant.

Now, I would recommend giving your wife fair warning before swinging a shovel over your head in a very angry like manner.  My wife did not see me swing, she only heard it, so she walked to the window. Unfortunately, well, I missed, so a second swing was required (don't start getting holier then thou, it's vermin), which did the job.  Unfortunately, she saw that one.  It was all very Jack Nicholson in The Shining.  She now stays at least six feet from me at all times.

So, the gopher is dead.  I'm sure of it.

P.S.  I know I have been terrible in my Spurs updates.  Lost today 4-1 to Arsenal in the Carling Cup.  Perfectly fine.  We need to stay focused on Champion's League and Premiere League games, both of which we are doing fine in.  So, stay tuned.  The pork (West Ham) on Saturday!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Do These Work?

We put these in over the weekend.  Ok, about 10 minutes ago, and it wasn't so much as "we" as much as "I".

That's one of the two that  came in the package.  And, yes, make your jokes, because I think it looks like the same thing.  Put some batteries in it and you'll be convinced it is.  But, to keep everybody's mind from the gutter, this is a family blog of course, we shall assume it is for ridding ourselves of gophers.  And moles, which I don't have.

That's it in the ground.  I have now cried "Uncle!" in my battle with the gopher and I'm bringing out the Enola Gay.  Look it up.  That's it in the ground amongst the gopher remnants.  Another view:

I can't seem to get a good picture of the gopher pile up,  but it's there.  Also, for my one reader from Japan, I'm the most politically incorrect person there is, so my apologies for the reference.  Just to you, of course.

Now, this thing says it keeps out gophers for up to 15,000 square feet.  My lot is 10,000 square feet, so one in each corner should do the trick.  I'm going to drop a bill in the neighbor's mailboxes on either side for the portion of their yard I'm supposedly securing.  And, yes, this thing is irritating.  I put in the three batteries required (calm yourselves, it doesn't require a cord, at least), and it let out what sounded like a sonar ping along with a vibration.  Sorry, but no other word could describe it.  Shake, perhaps?  Shimmy?  No, it definitely vibrated.

I was hoping the little son of a bitch would come bounding out of the ground once it heard the irritating ping, but no luck.  I stood with my shovel for five minutes and nada.  Disappointing.

So, I'm going to level the gopher mounds and see if anymore pop up.  If yes, it's a dismal failure and I shall require my $27 back.  That worries me, as well, as six weeks ago it was $40.  Hopefully, that's not a sign.  If no further gopher mounds appear, then we'll call it a success, and I shall stock up on D batteries.  I will let both you know.

Monday, September 6, 2010

What Can I Say

Thanks to some people I've been called out on my recent lack of activity.  I wish I could say I won the lottery or was sold to some third division football team somewhere, but life is not that exciting.  The reasons being twofold:  first, I just haven't done anything gardening related.  Every weekend has been filled with non gardening stuff, like auto maintenance:

Dejection, yes.  Me realizing the previous owner smashed into something on the Beast Scout and that plate holding the u-bolts that hold the leaf springs isn't coming off without a torch.  I don't have a torch.  The reasons for which should be obvious.

Second, I was passed over for a promotion at work.  For some reason, that really pissed me off.  They gave me a raise, mind you, but I would have gladly forgone the raise for the promotion.  Now, that I'm finally done feeling sorry for myself, I can get back to very important things.  Like putting wood into the ground.

This is going to be the gate leading through the hedge of brush cherries, I previously posted about.  Now, would be a good place to put a link to that post, but I'm too damn tired.  Two eight foot pieces of redwood dug two feet into the ground and held with concrete.  The individual at the big box hardware store must be on commission, as I was pretty sure three fifty pound bags of concrete would have done the trick.  He was insistent the little sign said three per post, so I bought six.  I'll be returning three tomorrow.  Don't doubt yourself.  Screw the little sign.

Hopefully, this is a better picture to let you know what the finished product will look like.  These cherries have really bounced back from when they first went in.  Now, I just need to build the gate.