Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Humans 1, Gophers Nul

HA!  Victory over the vermin.  This is shit:

I actually think the gopher used it for what we thought it looked like.  Well, if it was a girl gopher.  This was actually buried under a gopher mound.  So, yesterday, I went to my tried and true.  Which has still been tried, but isn't quite as true.  The hose.  I flooded the holes, but nothing.  I probably didn't wait long enough as dinner was ready and we must have our priorities.  It was chili night, after all.

So, after chili and a couple of pints I ventured back into the backyard last night and pulled out ol' medieval.

Now, as I have pointed out in previous posts, my understanding on how to do this was to dig a big hole around a gopher mound and then place this in front of one of the exposed tunnels.

Yes, yes, yes, these are previously used pictures.  I'm trying to prove a point, so shut it.  Now, according to Curbstone a trap called a cinch trap should do the trick.  So, I ordered one.  It's not here yet.  Mail and shipping and all.  However, the vermin wasn't about to wait for the trap on a white steed, so I had to improvise.

Now, the website I linked to above,, does an excellent job of explaining how to set their trap.  Now, I figured, why not set ol' medieval in the same way!!  Brilliant!!!!  So, I set him and shoved him down the hole last night.

Fast forward to tonight.  I got home and headed out to the yard.  I gave the wire a tug, was stuck. I also noticed it was sprung.  Now, we had a problem.  Curious children were inside and they have this habit of suddenly appearing at bad times, which we won't get into as this is a family website.  I digress.  I didn't want to pull out a dead gopher with them.  So, I quickly put down my pint (it was after 5!!) and gave a little harder tug.  Then, I had a second fear...and it was true...what if it wasn't exactly, well, dead?

Sure enough, ol' medieval had only gotten a leg.  I had to think quickly.  It was definitely still alive as I pulled it out of the hole.  The middle gopher finger it was showing me was a dead giveaway.  I looked to the left...nada...I looked to the right...shovel.  Brilliant.

Now, I would recommend giving your wife fair warning before swinging a shovel over your head in a very angry like manner.  My wife did not see me swing, she only heard it, so she walked to the window. Unfortunately, well, I missed, so a second swing was required (don't start getting holier then thou, it's vermin), which did the job.  Unfortunately, she saw that one.  It was all very Jack Nicholson in The Shining.  She now stays at least six feet from me at all times.

So, the gopher is dead.  I'm sure of it.

P.S.  I know I have been terrible in my Spurs updates.  Lost today 4-1 to Arsenal in the Carling Cup.  Perfectly fine.  We need to stay focused on Champion's League and Premiere League games, both of which we are doing fine in.  So, stay tuned.  The pork (West Ham) on Saturday!


  1. So what you're saying is, all traps are shit. Use a shovel.

    I did get a very funny image of the gopher hanging from the trap upside down, squeaking 'Eff you!'.

    Turling the Gopher Slayer.

  2. Well, Kyna, the jury is still out on the cinch trap, which hasn't arrived. Ol' medieval worked just fine. For all I know, the bugger just got snagged moments before my arrival, hence the life still being in him. If I had left it out another night, the deed my have been done without the shovel.

    I will say, though, I've gotten three by trap...two by shovel.

  3. Yay, you finally caught the monster. Now wait for another to move in, it won't be long :P You'll still get to try your cinch trap. What I like best about the design, once you get used to setting them, is that the cinch, for it to work, pretty much has to break their neck. I've never pulled a live, or awkwardly caught gopher with a cinch trap. No shovel required LOL. And yes, Thomas Wittman's tips at gopherslimited are very valuable. Without him, our success rate would be MUCH lower. I'll raise a pint to your first catch, congrats! :)

  4. Turling, where'd you go? I know Spurs are playing well and everything, but you can't be that distracted.

  5. I second the person above me. Come back, Buddy! :D