Sunday, December 26, 2010

I. Love. This. Beer.

Stone Double Bastard Ale.  Go buy some.  Now.  I'll wait.....

This is the most bitter, hoppiest beer I have ever had, and it's delicious.  Feel free to use it as a meal substitute.  Let me put it this way, when my wife took a sip she said, "holy shit, how do you drink that?!?" I consider that to be 9 out of 10 stars.

Stone Brewing is a San Diego, California based brewer.  I consider that local.  They are 83.4 miles from my house, so thank all that is good and holy should I ever do the 100 mile challenge (only eating things within 100 miles of our home), this would still qualify.  Whew!  Even if it didn't, I would ask for an exemption.  They have been around since 1996 and are still growing.  They are still considered a craft brewer, though.  Meaning, you may not be able to get their stuff in other parts of the US, and if that's the case let's go with other parts of the world being less likely.  I have read that they are planning on opening a European operation, so I'll be sure to keep everyone posted on that.

Now, some sites will go through this whole process of saying "it has citrus overtones with a little honey and some milkweed thrown in for good measure."  I smell it and smell beer.  So, you won't be getting smell from me.  I don't know who smells that type of stuff, but it's not me.

A friend of mine whom I, unfortunately, have not seen in quite a while because he moved back to Denmark is from, well, Denmark.  Now, I decided next to the English (this is a compliment so stick with me), the Danes are nearly as big a bunch of drunks.  In a good way.  I would consider Americans drunks, but we seem to get drunk on flavorless beer.  Anyway, I have no idea where that was going, so I'm coming back to my buddy L.  When he was here, we would head out to the local brewhouse after work and the man always insisted that the head of a beer needs to be two fingers high.  Of course, I started in with "Natalie Portman fingers or Andre' the Giant fingers", because, yes, I'm that prick.  Anyway, he usually responded with some Yankee comment which ended my portion of the discussion.  Now, I have had several of these and, honestly, they have given nearly two fingers of head if poured properly.  So, on the "L" scale, I give this 8 out of 10.  As I'm typing, I'm coming up with some type of scale which will hopefully all come together at the end.

Ok, so we have taste...sight...smell we disregard, because it's overrated...let's have an all encompassing type one.  Ready??  The "how many more would I drink RIGHT NOW scale".  We'll call that the HMMWIDRN scale.  Ok, we'll come up with a different name later.  I was hoping that would spell something.

This scale needs to be realistic, as the normal answer would be "until I pass out."  So, how about this?  When I'm at a restaurant and order a beer, I would normally order a second beer at some point.  I have kids.  In a restaurant.  Parents understand.  So, I think this scale should be if I'm in a restaurant would I order this again or would I switch to something different, which happens more often then not.  This scale will then be the likelihood I would order a second of the same beer.  10 out of 10.  Hands down, no "if's", "and's" or "but's", that's the answer.  Now, let's add this up.  Christ, this is fun, I may have to do more of these.

Wife scale:  9 out of 10
L Scale:  8 out of 10
HMMWIDRN scale:  10 out of 10

Now...math.  I think that's 9 out of 10 overall, which I think is fair.  We can't start this with a perfect score, that wouldn't be sporting.  And, no, I don't think ALL beer is fantastic...ok, yes I do, but I don't think ALL beer is a 9 out of 10.  Give me a fruit beer and you'll be lucky to get above a 2.

Alright, we're done here.  Now, go plant something.  Might I recommend some hops?


  1. Splendid. This is just how beer should be reviewed (i.e. after having consumed several). I'll have a case, thanks.

  2. All you have to say is hoppy and bitter and I know I would love it. I'll have to keep a lookout for this one.

  3. Are you having another comment crisis? I ddi mention the cause of those droppings in the Scout, but I guess it got lost in the ethereal mists...

    Anyway, I have Googled but this doesn't seem to be available in the UK.

    My Pale Ale (currently without name) is - for most folks - overhopped. I tend to use Northdown and Fuggles hops for it, but I want that "pull your cheeks in" bitterness. My first recipe was bitter enough, but the balance of hops was slightly out, and in places it was too malty. I have refined the recipe, but I think it has the right level of bittering, but not enough aroma which reduces the initial wave of hoppiness.

    Every time I make a batch, I have to drink 40 pints to clear for the next version. It's tough!

  4. Thanks for the comments everyone.

    IG, I got myself a home brewing kit for Christmas. Looks like I'll be having the same problems!!

  5. i don't drink beer, but my husband's a beer snob and for some reason i always taste his. sounds like your wife and i would register the same readings re: the bitter hoppiness. once we were at a local brewer in Virginia and Mulch Boy tried a coffee porter monstrosity that (to me) was like the strong cup of black coffee ever poured mixed with the bitterest porter ever. Naturally, he loved it. Probably right up your alley!

  6. I like a nice dark beer, but I generally draw the line at chewing my beer before swallowing it. And that looks like such a beer, there.